Skin To Bone
by asterisks-who
Summary: Castiel was doing semi-fine after being pulled out of Purgatory. In the mean time, Naomi had her own plans for the angel which may or may not included the memories of Lucifer. Soon, Castiel begins to slip back into insanity and Dean might be the only who can pull him back.
1. Operate

Castiel stumbled through the door and mumbled something incoherently under his breath. The angel was at his wits end. He believed in Dean more than anyone or anything that existed in their world. To see Dean throwing away his fight broke his faith...and his heart. If this was the end of the world, he never wanted to endure it. At least not while sober. He couldn't sit by and watch Dean willingly agree to become Michael's vessel. All the sacrifices Castiel made for Dean seemed to slowly slip away down the drain.

"Cas?" Dean called out as he turned from his bag on the bed. He was packing while Sam headed up the street to pick up some supplies. "Hey man, you okay? You don't look so hot." He murmured as he walked over to the angel and tried to steady the swaying man.

Castiel growled and slapped away Dean's hand. "I wonder why, Dean. I wonder why I do not look so okay." He stumbled again and Dean grabbed on to his shoulders to help. "Let go!" Castiel fought.

Dean raised a brow at the light stench of alcohol that was emitting from his friend. "You've been drinking? Cas, I think you're drunk..."

Castiel rolled his eyes and tried to get his balance under control; easier said than done. "I am not drunk, Dean. I'm fine."

"Yeah sure, it must be a little of the holy juice rushing through your veins." He huffed and loosened his grip on Castiel's wrists. "Why in the hell were you drinking?" He asked, pulling him over to the bed. Before he knew it, he was shoved back towards the mattress and Castiel was tossing punches.

"CAS! WHAT THE HELL?!" Dean shouted as he blocked a few of the punches to his face. It was sudden and actually caught him off guard. Castiel was doing so good after he returned from Purgatory. He wasn't sure what was going on in Castiel's head now but he knew that the angel was definitely living in the past.

"I RISKED EVERYTHING FOR YOU, DEAN. EVERYTHING!" Castiel yelled. He had finally snapped.

"Cas, stop!"

"I believed in you! I rebelled against my father...against my brothers and sisters. For you. FOR YOU, DEAN." Castiel drew his arm back to throw another punch but Dean grabbed his wrist and swiftly flipped their position.

"CAS!" He pinned the angel's arms above his head against the wall. "Relax, Cas! You're drunk."

Castiel glared up at him. He couldn't fathom this emotion that was swelling up inside of him. He wasn't even sure if it was anger that he was feeling. It was mostly disappointment and hope eating away at his sanity. Dean was his shining light in the darkened cave. Hearing him talk about giving himself up to Michael made him weak inside. Weaker than he'd ever felt before. "Why are you giving up, Dean? After all we've done and everything we've been through together? After all we've given up?" He whispered softly.

Dean stared down at him. How was he to answer that? He was confused- well Castiel was the confused one. "Cas, I-" He couldn't do this. "Cas, I didn't. We beat Lucifer, Michael, and the Leviathans."

He closed his eyes and heavily sighed. He wasn't thinking straight because he had Naomi in his head manipulating what he thought. She was making it seem like Lucifer was scrambling memories and making him see things that weren't there. The alcohol wasn't helping either.

Dean didn't know what to say from there. He understood the effects that were going to happen after Purgatory but he wasn't so sure that's what was happening. He was in an unbearable quandary. "I'm sorry Cas but that was little over a year ago. Don't you remember taking the memories from Sam? And you and I…in Purgatory?"

Castiel wanted to just kick and thrash until he was loose but he just kept still, staring up at Dean. What was happening? "Sorry. I'm sorry." He was slowly losing his mind. The worst memories were becoming his living nightmares. The apocalypse, him breaking the wall in Sam's head, the mistake of assuming the position as God. Everything was coming back to him and it hurt.

Dean released his grip on the angel and fixed his shirt. There was nothing else to say. All he could do was continue to remind Castiel that Lucifer was altering his mind and that everything was going to be okay.

Castiel eyes drifted over Dean's expression. "Dean," he whispered. "I don't remember. Why can't I remember?"

Dean froze there, lips parted but his words consumed by his thoughts. "Cas, before you remember anything we need to get you sobered up. Come on." He backed away from Castiel and pulled the angel off of the wall. He was trying to keep calm because freaking out wouldn't help at all. Something was wrong because the day before Castiel was fine and suddenly he was unraveling. He would get to the bottom of it but one step at a time.

"Where are we going?"

Dean reached over and grabbed him by the collar of the beige trench coat. "You'll see." He said with a soft smile. The first time he smiled in a while and it actually meant something. He ended up leading Castiel out to the Impala. Opening the door, he shoved his angel into the passenger seat then moved over to the driver's side and started the car. "Just relax and detox. The ride is for you." He sent a quick text to Sam letting him know he would be gone for a while and would call him when he got back.

After a few hours had passed they arrived at the psychiatric ward where it all began. They snuck in of course but Dean managed to get them to the room Sam was kept in. "Try to focus, Cas. This is where you took everything from Sammy's head. You fixed him, you fixed my brother. "

Castiel looked around the room. Everything thing looked so familiar but it was making his head hurt. "Dean I'm the reason why he needed to be fixed..." He grabbed at his head. "I can't. I'm sorry." He disappeared.

"Cas! Damn it."

Dean left the ward and headed back to the Impala. Before he could open the door he spotted Castiel in the passenger's seat.

"I keep ending up here in your car, Dean." Castiel honestly looked like a lost puppy. His memories were warped and he didn't know what had really happened and what was fabricated in his mind.

Dean slid behind the wheel and looked over to his friend. "I want to help, Cas."

"I remember some of it. I'm so sorry for everything, Dean." He liked it better when most of it didn't make sense. He was having flash backs to his reign as God and it was ripping him apart inside. He killed so many people, so many angels. He destroyed his bond with Dean and released the Leviathans. "I can't forgive myself. I've wrecked so much havoc on this world." He frowned and clutched at his head. He was finding it hard to focus. With Naomi yelling and forcing him to remember he couldn't properly function at the moment.

Castiel thought it was his brother keeping the memories locked away to torture those around him but in reality, Naomi was the one who wanted to bring the past out. Knowing what he did to his friends and to his brothers and sisters was more mentally agonizing than anything and she knew that well. Castiel was getting close to figuring out what she had been doing and she needed to slow him down.

"I don't know why I was brought back again. I didn't deserve to be spared, Dean."

"Cut out that self-loathing crap. I need you here fully functional, Cas."

Castiel turned his sights on Dean. "Of all the people I didn't expect you to comment on someone self-loathing."

Dean just stared at him for a moment before getting out of the car. He pulled Castiel out and shoved him against the Impala. "Cas you need to snap out of it. I don't know what's going on with you but you need to wake up!"

Castiel looked at him with wide eyes. More memories were coming to light in his head. "S-Samandriel…" He whispered, eyes starting to water. "Dean…I killed him. He wasn't supposed to die. I killed him!"

Dean just stood there in front of the angel. He was starting to think it would have been better to keep Castiel's memories locked away. When Castiel was pulled out of Purgatory, he was definitely different. He had so much weight on his shoulders and immense pain in his heart. And now he felt helpless because his friend was crying. He didn't deal well with people crying in front of him.

Still, this wasn't just anyone. This was Castiel. He reached out and pulled him close, wrapping his arms tightly around the angel. "Damn it Cas, don't do this to me."

Castiel buried his face against Dean's chest, tears staining his t-shirt as he sobbed. Everything was happening so fast and so many emotions were slipping from his grasp.

"You can't blame yourself forever." Dean cooed, as his hand slipped up Castiel's back and through dark brown hair. Dean couldn't explain this but all he knew was that he wanted to make him feel better. He wanted to take away the suffering and show Castiel that it did get better.

"How can you forgive me? You know what I've done, Dean."

"And I forgave you. Ugh, regardless of the crap you did…I can't just- you know stay pissed at you…" He was struggling with explaining this to him. Dean wasn't one to share how he felt. He just brushed it off, buried it, and kept moving but Castiel was in dire need to hear it. "Like I said before Cas, you're important to me and I- I love you man." His hand dropped to Castiel's lower back and he felt his heart thump against his chest. What was going on?

When Castiel lifted his head to lock eyes with Dean a faint ringing could be heard from the car. It was Sam calling Dean's phone. He was getting worried.

Dean wanted to ignore it because the only thing on his mind was Cas. He couldn't turn his gaze away from the angel. He brought his free hand up to Castiel's face and wiped the tears from the angel's cheek with his thumb. "Son of a bitch…" He grumbled as he leaned down slightly. He couldn't believe what he was doing.

Before he knew it, his lips were pressed against Castiel's.


	2. Choices

**Summary**: Dean tries to recover from his bold actions with Castiel. In the meantime he tries to keep focused on the case without drawing more attention on himself from his brother.

* * *

The tears had stopped at least but now an entirely new emotion was clouding Castiel's mind. Luckily, he wasn't alone in that department. Dean had the exact same feelings running through him. Dean kissed him and he wasn't sure how to react to it. It wasn't like his kiss with Meg, there was more to it and he couldn't quite place his finger on it. Too much was on his mind and it was crippling his judgment. He assumed this was a custom that humans did to cheer someone up but he couldn't bring himself to believe that.

"Cas, I..." Dean didn't know what to say exactly. He had just kissed Castiel, someone very close to him. There was no explanation that would make sense. He himself was confused so how would he explain it to someone else.

"I'm sorry, Dean." The angel murmured right before he disappeared. Even though he was conflicted about the recent events, at least he was completely pulled out of Naomi's control for now.

"Cas, wait! Come back!" He cursed under his breath when his angel didn't return. "Shit." He had it in his mind that Castiel was uncomfortable with the kiss and now things were going to be awkward between them. "Great." The hunter's phone rang again so the elder Winchester finally decided to answer it. "Yeah?"

"Oh good, you're okay. I got back to the room and you were gone, then you didn't answer your phone. We're in the middle of a case and I thought something happened to you."

"Nah, I'm fine. I just- uh I went for a ride to clear my head. I was feeling a bit restless but I'll be back soon."

"Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy?"

"You okay?" He could tell by the tone of Dean's voice that something was really wrong.

"..." He hesitated before answering. "Yeah, I'm peachy. See you soon." Dean hung up and threw the phone on the passenger's seat before he took off in the car. It was time to prepare for Castiel's return. If he returned.

* * *

After a long drive back Dean returned to the motel's parking lot. It took him a moment before entering the room. He just needed a little more time alone before Sam started questioning him. As he expected, Sam was sitting at the table working on his laptop. "Dude, you really need to answer your phone or keep the GPS on."

Dean just shrugged his shoulders and grunted something back. His mind wasn't in the right place so all of his brother's words went in one ear and right out the other. "Sorry Sammy. Hey look, I'm beat, I'm gonna head to bed alright?"

Sam stared at him for a moment. What was up with Dean's expression? "You sure you're okay? You really don't look okay so it's hard to just take your word for it. And have you heard from Cas today? I need to ask him about a creature."

Dean ignored the rest of the questions and went straight for the bed. "Goodnight." He really didn't want to talk about Castiel because it only made him think about how much he really screwed up.

Sam simply nodded. He was tempted to ask what was on his brother's mind but he knew Dean wouldn't talk tonight. So he would just wait until he was ready. "Night."

Dean slid under the covers and pulled them over his head to shield himself from the light Sam was using. What was he doing? Why did he kiss Castiel? Did he screw up their relationship? Those were the constant thoughts that raced through his mind. He couldn't stop it. "Ugh!"

"Dean? You okay?" Sam asked from the table after hearing the disgruntled Dean. He closed his laptop and moved over to his brother's bed and took a seat. "You know you can talk to me and if-"

"I said that I'm fine, Sam. I don't need to talk I just need to sleep. So goodnight, okay?"

Sam sighed and nodded. "Alright. Goodnight." He stood and decided to call it a night.

* * *

Castiel wandered the city for a while replaying the kiss in his head. The poor angel was so lost that it almost hurt. He stopped when a flash of lightning went through the sky. He watched the dark swollen clouds quickly rush by and just waited for the rain to commence. Since Castiel's recent breakdown, it wouldn't be long before he was summoned again.

"Castiel, you've failed me again. I'm disappointed in you. You always seem to find a way to defy me don't you? How did you break it this time? Can't you be obedient like my others?" A voice spoke angrily.

Castiel lowered his head once he was taken away from scenery. Locking eyes on Naomi it was all starting to come back. "What did you do to me?" He asked.

"I'm stirring up things. You refused me information and I made a point. It's irritating losing time, correct? Or was hurting Dean Winchester more painful for you?"

Castiel tensed at the mention of his friend. "What did I…is he-"

"He's fine. You gave him a few punches but next time I won't be so kind." She manipulated Castiel and was implanting false memory in order to gain obedience. She needed to know what the hunters were up to for her own reasons. "So, have you had a change of mind? Or did you like my memory insertions? Or, will you kill Sam Winchester?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You care about those humans more than you do your own family-"

"They are my family!" He snapped. They might not have been angels but Sam and Dean were the closest to him than anyone. He would protect them at all costs. Nothing would ever change that.

Naomi stood from her seat and moved from behind the desk. "Dean would never forgive you if you harmed his brother. And you obviously don't understand what I've done to you but I'm assuming you want more examples, correct?"

Castiel glared at her, his willpower going weak. How was he supposed to choose? Naomi was doing things that he couldn't even remember. It was dangerous and worried him more than he wanted it to. So, spy on the Winchesters and they live or hurt them both? Either way it would become betrayal and he wouldn't be able to handle the thought of it. Still, he'd rather spy on them than see either of them hurt or worse, dead. He hung his head in shame and spoke lowly. "What do I have to do?"

"Ah, that's more like it." She smiled and moved closer to the angel and placed her hand on his cheek. She would wipe his memories and it would be like it was a week ago. "Nothing, just continue your journey with the Winchesters and I'll be seeing you soon."

Castiel lifted his head and he was back in the city, standing in the rain. He looked around in confusion since the last thing he remembered was talking to Sam about a new case that he found in the next state over. He just didn't know that conversation was a week ago.

The angel fled the deserted streets and returned to the motel room. "Dean. Sam." He called out once appearing in the room.

"HEY MAN! YOU HAVE THE WRONG ROOM!" A man shouted from the bed, covering himself and an exposed young woman. Castiel definitely had the wrong room.

Castiel stared at them for a moment before scanning the rest of the small space. He was sure this was the exact room they all checked into. "My apologies." He quickly disappeared with no other words to the humans. The two people didn't even question his disappearance.

Castiel was in a confused state since he was sure that was the motel they were at last. Something weird was happening. He was beginning to think that something was terribly wrong with the boys and that worried him. He knew Sam and Dean wouldn't just leave him without saying anything about where they were going so the possibility of them being injured went up. They would call for him soon.

Right?

The angel, feeling impatient disappeared and headed straight for where he sensed the brothers could be. They were still hidden from angels so he would do his best to find them. It was time to get to the bottom of things.


End file.
